Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
