It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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