Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Naked. naked and bneed help.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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