This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
