I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
