We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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