she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
