While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
