what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
