Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
