Please, let me fuck your mom
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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