Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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