I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
