gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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