she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
