Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
