I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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