don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
