The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
