meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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