can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
