Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
