I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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