I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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