This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
