His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
