Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
