Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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