He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
