Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
