I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How does it feel to date your dad?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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