Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
