I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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