alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
