It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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