sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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