New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
