seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
