It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
