Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
