fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
