A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
