my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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