I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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