i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
