I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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