went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
