i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
