I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just puked most of my soul out..
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