Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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