I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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