You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I have post one night stand depression
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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