I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
