...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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