...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
