You smell like stripper and shame
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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