I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I had to cum in my sink.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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