I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
