i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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