you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
