first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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