does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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