people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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