Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
