I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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