The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
