i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
