You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
