I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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