Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
