And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
