just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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