all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
