We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You need Xanax blowdarts
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
