I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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