It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize