it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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