I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
