Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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