What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
