a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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