Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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