I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she woke up with a sticky ear
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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